Dean's Letter Mishpatim

Rabbi Gidon Goldberg's picture

Dear Parents,

Imagine a life without stress … With the Yom Tov of Purim rapidly approaching, parents have begun to establish their themes for Mishloach Monos and the costumes they need to put together for Yom Tov. The creativity is amazing – but still stressful!

Immediately following Purim, families turn their attention to the upcoming Yom Tov of Pesach, cleaning, scrubbing, and peeling potatoes on top of all their regular day-to-day jobs and responsibilities. While obviously we enjoy the performance of mitzvos, it can still be stressful. Mrs. Rivka Schonfeld, a noted parenting specialist, offers us some ideas on how to reduce stress in our lives. As this is a timely topic, I thought you would all enjoy these thoughtful strategies.


Q: Is stress really killing us? And if it is, what can I do about it?
A: Robert M. Sapolsky’s book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping, begins with a person awake all night, worrying. Who doesn’t occasionally have trouble sleeping because stress is somehow keeping our minds running?

Whereas the chief killers at the beginning of the twentieth century were tuberculosis, pneumonia, the flu, and childbirth, today, medical advances have ensured that those diseases (or natural processes like childbirth) are rarely fatal. So, what’s affecting us today? Sapolsky argues that our heart disease, adult-onset diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and even cancer might be caused by stress.

We cannot change our biology, but there are certain things that we can control in our responses to stress. Below, I have outlined Sapolsky’s suggestions of how to better cope with stress and live a happier (and healthier!) life.

  • Surround yourself with friends. When studying animals that were subject to minor stressful events, those animals developed ulcers if left to handle the stress alone. However, if those animals had “friends” or companions, they did not develop ulcers. Bottom line: keep your friends around you during times of crisis.
  • If you can, attempt to prepare. If the stress is something that you can prepare for, it will give you a sense of control. So, if you are aware that you will encounter a stressful situation, preparing for it in any way can ultimately prevent your body from jumping into high gear.
  • Find a distraction. When your body remains in a high state of stress for prolonged periods, the damage to your heart, digestion, and brain can be significant. Therefore, find a hobby or something else that can take your mind off the stress. Not only will you temporarily stop thinking about the stress, your body will stop exhibiting the stress response.

This year’s NEAT production focused on the beauty of Shabbos. Shabbos is a day of rest and a day that brings us closer to Hashem and to our families. The Nesivos Sholom comments that the reason for the weekly “Rebbe’s Tisch” is to bring people together. As Mrs. Schonfeld says in her first stress-relieving tip above, “surround yourself with friends.” Davening together with friends in shul on Shabbos and the socializing that takes place at kiddush afterwards serve as an antidote to stress, offering us the opportunity to rejuvenate physically and spiritually for the coming week.

Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Peretz Scheinerman